We need each other

I love people! I have loved people all my life. My parents said I was going to be a preacher or a politician. I glad God chose preacher! People bring problem and people can wound you deeply. It seems the more you love folks the deeper you can get hurt. If you don’t think that is true ask Jesus. In the 27 years I have been a pastor I have been loved greatly and hurt deeply. O well! Why am I writing this today, because, we must learn to give our lives away to each other. I have rediscovered this truth in a big way this past week.
One big truth about the life of faith is that God is always sending people to help you and He is always sending you to help someone so today look for your help and look to help someone. People need to see the love of God and they best see it in the eyes of a trusted friend!
If you attend FOTH start making your plans to be there Sunday and bring a friend. This is going to be exciting watching God do a big thing in Tallahassee! If you don’t attend FOTH listen to this talk on line, it will be worth your time and effort.

Tara is Living her dream

Tara and I are in California at a training event. Not mine but hers. For 27 years Tara has been the one who has followed me around, supporting me as I pursued God’s call. She has been my coach, fan, critic, and best team mate. We are in ministry together. God called us both.
God has given her an amazing ability to connect and build children. So she is opening a gym targeting kids 6-15. (www.fitwize4kids.com) I am so excited for her and I have pledged to do everything I can to help her have the best environment for kids possible.
Yesterday, at the first day of training, we were asked to introduce ourselves. In my normal pride I love to say where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and who I know, but yesterday I said, “I am with Tara”. It was so good to let her shine. Why do I tell you this? Because I believe that for the first time I am beginning to understand what it means to love my wife as Christ loved the church. I think that if guys loved their wives and helped them live their dreams then marriages would thrive.
Is starting a business and planting a church wise. Not really. Will this be a challenging season of our lives? Yes. Once again we are moving to a place that if God doesn’t come through we are doomed. This could be really fun.
Tara loves kids and now she will be building their lives through fitness, nutrition, and the power of God’s love. I am so excited. I am proud to say “I am with Tara.”

My Calah

When Calah was in high school she had a bad valentine's experience and was stating the facts about how stupid the day was, made up by card and candy people, and well you get the drift. So I wrote her this, enjoy!

The Day after Valentine’s Day
For My Calah


It is February 15 and you are so sad
You don’t have a valentine and that’s too bad
You have eaten all the chocolate and cried on the floor
And now you’ve grown bitter and oh so bored
But there is a rainbow in all that is gloom
For a ray of hope is still shinning through

Your daddy loves you and you are adored
He is not a cute hunk but just an old dork right down to the core
He will always protect you and come to your aid
He will always remind you to be not afraid

The boys will court you and not follow through
You daddy will love you and be there for you
The boys will notice you and ask for your hand
And daddy will demand to know where they stand

So lift up you head and dry all your tears
One day a real man will drive out your fears
But till that day comes know one thing for sure
Your daddy’s sweet love is your valentine cure

marraige

In the book of 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7, Peter says "to live with your wife in an understanding way". Good luck with that one. The hardest thing a man can do is to understand his wife! I have been married for almost 27 years and Tara is still a mystery. I love mystery!
Let me push on this .... I know I can never understand her, I can't really understand me! So what can I do? I can become a student of Tara. I will be a Taraologist. OK, that's cheesy.
A lot of guys love to hunt so I will use a hunting analogy. When you hunt for wild game you study your prey. If you are deer hunting you know where they sleep, when they eat, the paths they travel and so on. Why do I know these things about deer? Because I am hunting them.
What if I put the same energy into being a student of my wife? What if I studied her to the point that I could lovingly anticipate her moods, thoughts, desires, and build security into her life. If I gave that kind of energy to Tara our relationship would be so rich.
Here is the rub, Tara is so much more complicated than a deer. She is made wonderfully complex and knowing her will take my whole life. Wow, I think I just discovered the key, it will take my whole life! Maybe Peter should have said "try to live with your wife ...". As I "try" to understand Tara God helps me!
Relationships make life rich, and my relationship with Tara is center to every other connection. Oh yea, Peter also says that if you don't get it right your prayers are hindered. That means when mama is not happy even God is not happy.
I got to go it is Tara time!

Marriage

It is hard to connect with someone at the soul level. Yesterday when I wrote about Tara and being best friends it sounded so easy, but it is far from easy. I can be a pain and so can she. The biggest problem with her is that she is sinful and so am I.
Our sinfulness compels us to be self centered and controlling. We want what we want when we want it. It is hard to think of someone else when all you can think of is yourself.
That is why we need God in the middle of our marriage. His transforming power allows me to focus on what I should be for Tara. When I love and honor her I do so with the help of God's spirit. My faith and dependence on Jesus makes me a better husband.
What doses that mean on a practical level? I must pursue a vital relationship with God. I do so through my personal time of reading the Bible, praying, and reflecting and I pursue a vital connection with other believers through the church. I also serve people thus serving God, and I openly share the love of God with people. This is all a life of devotion.
What does that have to do with being married? Everything!
Jesus said it this way "seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." When Jesus said "all things' marriage was included.

Being married

I just read an article that "ticked" me off. This learned person said that your spouse should not be your best friend. They said for relational balance there should be people in your life who you share you deepest thought, spend time with, and hold you to account that are not your spouse! WHAT? That is the dumbest thing I can think of!! I will admit that I need other people who keep me in balance but Tara is my best friend.
I will push on this further, when I let her into the dark area of my soul her accountability make me want to do better. I can confess stuff to another friend and it has far less impact on me than when I confide in her. I need her as my best and most trusted friend.
I know guys who struggle with really tough stuff and they keep their wives out of it. I also know women who do the same. I think this is a big mistake. When there is a security in our marriages of commitment and accountability then we can handle the hard things as a team and find healing. Sin grows best in the dark and when it is brought to light in the power of love, forgiveness, and God's grace healing takes place. If I am not best friends with my spouse then there is no security and connectedness that weathers the storms of life.
Tara and I have been married for 26 plus years and we have a commitment to be together our whole lives. When I asked her to marry me it was forever that included being my best and most trusted friend. The thought of having someone closer to me than her is, well, stupid!
I believe that we share a connection that is physical, relational, and spiritual that marks us with a closeness that is beyond any other bond I can imagine.
This expert is so out of bounds. God has asked me to "cleve" to Tara and that means no one is closer!!! To those who follow the advice of this "expert" good luck. Until we line our lives with God's desire we will struggle.
I know that I was to write on the power of God but I had to get that off my chest!

My Dad

My father passed away last September and I really miss him. My dad has always been my hero and my friend. He was the one who was always cheering me on, giving me advice, praying for me, and believing the best about me. He is the one who first spotted the leadership gift in me and encouraged me to lead. I miss my dad.
Last night I had a dream about him. I woke up crying but very grateful. In my dream dad and I were sitting at a table talking. He was telling me how good things were for hm and that heaven was wonderful. He said the pain in his hip was gone and he didn't worry about Mom or us kids anymore. As we talked I noticed that he got younger. It seemed like the years were melting off of him. By the time we finished talking he looked like my son Caleb, who is 21.
I believe that this dream was a wonderful glimpse into what is waiting in heaven. In heaven we will be full of life and reconnected with God and each other.
This will be our first Thanksgiving without my dad but his first in heaven. I know that we will enjoy more Thanksgivings in heaven than we have here on earth. With that thought, I am so thankful for my dream, for my dad and mostly for Jesus who made heaven possible.
Through out scripture God used dreams to communicate with His people. I believe that God is using my dream of last night to do the same. Jesus said "let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid". Because of this dream I am finding comfort and hope during this season of thanks.

new small group

We had our first small group last night! It was so much fun to build new connections and watch a bunch of folks begin the process of becoming a family. We came from Texas where we were involved with small groups. Tara and I have started around 50 groups in the last fifteen years but this one was different. These guy opened up right off the bat! Wow! It was like they were hungry for a chance to connect.
Starting a new church is a real challenge because you are not launching an organization or creating an institution, you are building a family. (Actually God is building the family, I am just helping.) Most folks don't think of church that way. They see the church as a place not a people but it is not. It is a family under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I think the reason these folks connected was a common thread of belonging to Jesus. In Psalms God's word say "He puts the fatherless into family". That's why God started the church He wants us in His family and He wants that family to be the hope of the world. Church is not what I belong to, it is too whom I belong and with whom I belong for the purposes of God.
I can't wait to see what God does in, for, and through my new small group. I can't wait to see who he adds to the group. This morning I realized that I now have a new group of folks who will follow me as I follow Christ. I now want to be a better man because of them! This is so much fun! If you are not connected into a biblical small group, what are you doing? What should you be doing?

Dealing with Me

My wife teaches prekindergarten. She is a great teacher and loves kids. One of the many ways she helps kids do what they should is by asking two simple questions. She will ask "What are you doing? What should you be doing?" The amazing thing is that young children have enough self awareness to answer the questions. Even if they are confused about what they should or should not do the questions give them a self correction point. What makes this so effective is that she has outlined clear behavioral expectations so when she asks the questions the children can reference back to the expectations and then adjust. If they don't know the answer to the questions then they become a launching point for teaching. I love the questions, she uses them on me!
I have discovered that I cause most of my relationship problems and if I will get into the habit of asking myself these questions then I might be better at loving and living with people. Where I struggle is that I want to blame other people for my emotional responses. These questions hit at the root of the problem, me. When I sober up to the fact that I choose my reactions then I can take responsibility for my actions. I can only control myself. I can't control my wife, my kids, or even my dog. In fact the work of God's spirit in me will produce self control. God has given me the power to do the right thing, the right way, for the right reasons and His expectations are clearly outlined in His word. I need to yield to God, hide His word in my heart, adjust to His expectations, and then I will have self control. Sounds easy, it's not! Remember, I cause most of my problems. So ask yourself the questions and adjust if needed. This is called the art of self leadership.
Another thought, try asking these questions to the people in your life. You might be amazed by the response.

Relationships make life rich

Welcome to my blog site. In the days ahead I will be sharing with you the various things I have been learning as I lead the new church in Tallahassee, Florida. As a pastor and leader I have learned that it is relationships that make life rich. The measure of our lives will not be what we have gathered then left but who we have love and lived life with. The apostle Paul said in Philippians 4 "follow me as I follow Christ". Life by God's design is all about relationships, connecting with Him through Jesus Christ, loving your family and friends, and connecting with others as expressed in the church. Over the next few days I will share more regarding these truths.